the wrong kind of disabled person
not sorry
i’d already wanted to write something about being a “bad” disabled person, and then i saw this fuck ass take on my feed and got angry — which, ironically enough, only adds to my point that i’m not the “right” kind of disabled person in a lot of abled people’s eyes — and felt the need to say something.
not directly to the person who posted it (i cut the name/publication out), because i couldn’t care less about what they think or about changing their mind. and they don’t need more attention. it just gave me another push to talk about something i think is misunderstood and puts disabled people in a worse light than they’re already put in.
i’m only going to speak for myself here: my disability does, in a sense, define who i am, and it can also be a hindrance. two things can be true at once, and neither is more valid than the other. it does factor into my decisions, but it doesn’t control literally every aspect of my life and my personality. i’m more than just the fact that i have cerebral palsy — that should be common sense, in my opinion, but apparently it’s hard for some people to grasp. i’m a human being, for fuck’s sake, not just an empty body with a one-dimensional brain. i’m just as complicated as the person sitting next to you on the bus, or who gets on the train at the stop after yours, or who you walk past on the sidewalk. kids understand this shit better than some adults.
which leads me to why i’m so bothered by that pull quote. in the eyes of able people and people who just generally have no idea what they’re talking about, disabled people can only be one of two things: either a perpetual child who’s only happy and inspiring or a bitter, ungrateful whiner who wants special treatment. black and white thinking isn’t helpful, especially not when you’re talking about people who don’t fit into one neat definition of what disability is.
when strangers see me, most of them assume i’m the first option. they think i barely know what’s going on around me and understand what’s being said to me, they constantly call me cute. they’re shocked i’ve gotten two college degrees. they see me as a blank, asexual being who has no interest in being with another person in that way, let alone dating. they’re surprised to know i’m not literally always blindly optimistic, that i can be angry, that i can dislike anything or anyone, that i’ve ever been depressed or felt bad about myself.
they want me to be quiet. they don’t like it that i can stand up for myself if i need to, that i think i deserve more than the bare minimum. they don’t want me to talk about things i find difficult unless there’s a happy ending. they don’t want to know anything about the parts of being disabled that aren’t sanitized and watered down to be less complicated. they don’t believe i want to be the least bit selfish, because i’d never do anything without thinking about the people who help me and not wanting to be a burden to them.
let me say this straight up: i don’t think my being disabled (having brain damage) is an uwu lovable quirk. i don’t expect anyone to just ignore it, or go over the top and say i don’t see you as disabled!! but that doesn’t mean i want them to pity me and feel bad for me because it’s “unfortunate.” excuse me for not believing i exist to inspire you. that i should just go away and not bother anybody. do we really have so little respect for people who aren’t on either side of the incredibly wide spectrum of being disabled? (yes, the answer is yes.) disabled people have existed since the dawn of time and will continue to exist. it’s not my problem that you don’t like me or care about me based on that alone.
i could be a lot meaner in this post, but i wouldn’t want to make any of the fragile able people uncomfortable.